I was looking at my Facebook memories and I had a blog post pop up in my memories from 2011! I went back and read the post and realized how much I miss blogging. Even if no one is reading my posts, it was always a great outlet for me. And with everything that has happened in the last three months, I realize more now than ever, I need that outlet.
So, I'm back. Hopefully for a while.
The last three months have been the most heartbreaking, difficult and emotionally draining time of my life. That's not to say that I haven't had some good times in the last three months, but it has been a difficult time.
I lost my Mom to a heart attack on December 31st. She was only 55. It still seems so unreal to me. Even just typing the words "I lost my Mom" doesn't make it seem real.
Needless to say my emotions have been all over the place. The first month was nothing but tears and feeling lost. Hell, there are still lots of tears and that lost feeling, but it has gotten a little easier and not as frequent. I have breakdowns every now and then. Sometimes because of the most ridiculous thing. Take last night for example. I was taking something out of the oven and happened to be using a pot holder that she crocheted for me. I realized that I can't have her make me anymore of these and I burst into tears. After pulling myself together I quickly took every single pot holder out of the drawer that she made and put them away. I don't want to ruin them and not have that piece of her anymore. I'm sure at some point in the future I will pull them out and use them again, but right now, I can't bring myself to leave them out.
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| Me and My Mom |
Losing my Mom is something that I never thought I would have to go through at such a young age. The one thing that makes it hurt the most is that she won't be here when I have kids. And that thought alone kills me every single day. I know that she is watching over all of us and that she will see them grow up, but it's not the same. It honestly feels like my family was robbed. We only had her for what seems like a short amount of time. I hope that with time, that feeling will fade, but right now, it's still too new and the wounds are still too deep.
That event alone would be enough to break someone. But unfortunately my family has been dealing with a little bit more on top of that. Three weeks ago a fire broke out on the military base near my Dad's house. It was very windy that day and it quickly got out of control. My Dad and Step Mom were forced to evacuate with their dog and their horses. They grabbed as much as they could, but of course didn't have enough time to grab everything that was important. Fortunately we found out the next morning that they did still have a house to go back to. The house had some damage from the heat of the fire coming up on the property. Although the house was okay, everything else around the property was destroyed. They lost two of their vehicles, a fishing boat that was handed down to my Dad and my Brother from my Grandpa, ATV's, trailers, a 68' Mustang, the barn that housed the horses, sheds, and the list goes on. It was a devastating event for our family. But I am extremely thankful that they were able to evacuate safely and that they still have a home. And they are slowly starting to pick up the pieces, but it is going to be a process for sure.
Like I said, it has been a very difficult and heartbreaking start to the year. But I am hoping that the rest of the year is filled with lots of happy and positive experiences.
