A Year Ago Today...

A year ago today was without a doubt one of the hardest days of my life so far. A year ago today, my Dad, my cousin and I were racing to Kansas in a blizzard to go see my Grandmother one last time. Unfortunately on our way there, we got a phone call from my Uncle saying that Grandma was gone.

My Grandma when she was younger.
I love her dress in this picture.

I can remember everything about those few minutes. I remember looking down at the screen on my phone and seeing that it was my Uncle calling and I just knew. I didn't even want to answer the phone. I remember answering and hearing the tears in his voice when he told me she was gone. I was standing in a gas station at this point and I turned to my cousin and I told him that she was gone. I then went outside and I didn't even have a chance to tell my Dad what had happened because he could see it all over my face. He looked at me and said, "She's gone isn't she?" I didn't even have to answer, he already knew.

Even though we didn't make it to see her one last time before she left us to go to Heaven, we still raced out there so that we could say our goodbyes. A drive that should have taken us six hours at the most ended up taking us almost 12 because of the weather. I was really surprised with how well I was handling everything that was going on. But now looking back on it, I think it was because I didn't think it was real. The next day, it definitely became more real.

My Grandma is the one in the middle with the crown.
She was an amazing bowler.

The morning after we got there, we headed over to go say our goodbyes. I had been on the phone with my Mom a few times that morning and kept telling her that I wasn't sure if I wanted to see Grandma like that. I wanted to remember her in the way that I knew her, always happy and full of life. I finally decided to go in and see her and I am glad that I did. I was able to say my goodbye's and I think that if I hadn't it would have been an even harder process for me.

I believe this is the day that her and my Grandpa Dave
got married. She is the one in white.

Later that day we were back at my Aunt's house when the Pastor that was going to be conducting my Grandma's services came over. She wanted to hear more about my Grandma so that she could be prepared for the service. I think we sat around sharing our stories and our favorite memories about Grandma for two or three hours. And the nice thing about it was that this whole time, none of us were even crying. We were all laughing so hard that we couldn't even think about crying. I know that this is how Grandma would have wanted it to be though. She wouldn't have wanted us sitting around and moping. She would have wanted us to remember all the good times and the fun that we shared with her. And that is exactly what we did.

Me and Grandma the day I
graduated from College and sadly
the last time I ever saw her

My Grandma was so many things. She was a Mom, a Wife, a Sister, a Daughter, an Aunt, a Grandma(of course), an avid Bingo player and many more things. She was always our biggest cheerleader in the stands for whatever sporting activity we were playing. She was always there to talk whenever you needed her. She would do anything for you, even if you didn't ask her to. I could go on and on about all of the amazing things that she would do, but this post would be ridiculously long. She was an amazing women to say the least.

Grandma holding my niece Kelsi for the first time.
And yes, she has a black eye because she was a bad ass, haha!

It is always hard losing someone that you love, especially around the Holidays, but for me this is an even harder loss. With my wedding being only a week away, it is really hard for me to not get upset when I think about how she won't be there to see me get ready and to walk down the aisle. She was supposed to be there. She was so excited for me when I called and told her that I was engaged, and it never occurred to me that she wouldn't be here for this special day.

I know she will be watching over us from Heaven with my Grandpa and my other Grandma by her side. Even knowing that it is still hard knowing she won't be there. Grandma, if you are listening up there in Heaven, know that not a day goes by that we don't think about you and miss you. We miss you and love you so much and we hope that you are proud of us and what we are doing. I love you and miss you more than words could ever express, but I take comfort knowing that you are in a better place and that we now have another angel watching over us.

She is in the black dress. She was so beautiful.

This is probably one of the hardest posts I have ever done. I am not going to lie, I had to step away from it at least twice because I would just start crying when I would start thinking about everything. But at the same time it feels good to be able to share with people how much I love and miss her. RIP Grandma, you will be forever loved and missed.